Galaxies sliding into view

Easy

The biggest question you have for me, is lying right in front of you. Well, the answer is, masked in the junk of our hearts and clouded in the smoke and debris of our relationship.
Maybe i’m just too introverted, maybe like doesn’t attract like.
Easy is walking away, easy is saying this is too broken to mend.
A lie on the tip of my tongue is burning it like acid, it would be too easy to tell you what you want to hear.
The answer to your question, the sound and quiet escalation of fear.

Snap.

A break, neither clean nor welcomed descends and freezes us like an artic winter.
I know the list of things i’ll never be is long and incontestable. The reasons i stay are the same.
I’ve never looked for easy, it maybe what you need and i’ll try with all my soul to give you the beach on the island of your mind. But i will always be there, twittering like the birds in the trees; a reminder of the unavoidable and necessity of nature.
Love is not a need, not oxygen or water, electrolytes or blood. Yet it grows and overwhelms me, forces my hand and jumps from my mouth. All too easy, like an addict.

RadianceRadianceRadiance

Light is burning, shinning bright.
Light is everything, in my sight.
Light is surrounding, filling your soul.
All we’ve ever needed, all we’ve been told.
Pain is a process, crippling and cruel.
A necessary lesson, a class at life’s school.
Stripes away the ego, burns away the dirt
Off your soul, off your heart, even though it hurts.

Light is around you, i smell it in the air.
It blinds me when i look at you, i continue to stare.
Light is what we need, to bind us into one.
Brighter than all the stars, brighter than the sun.
I know you’re feeling tired, i know you’re feeling weak.
But hold my head close and shut your eyes.
I’ll show you what you seek.

Shake well

I pulled the moon down tonight, it wasn’t easy.
The blanket of stars made you cold.
I smashed it, i crumbled it. Cracked it and tumbled it, all for you.
I shed my skin, an hold my tongue.
Juggled with tears and emotions, both sticky and hot.
Swallowed them down, deep where no-one but the Satan in me resides.
Tick tock. Now what?
What can i possibly do for you now?
Ok, there’s always that.
I’ll play the clown, another time around.
Problem is, this time no-one is laughing

Follow instructions, wait; i will be……

I will be…..

I wish we could go back in time. I wish i could reset the clocks, flip back the dates and rub out the memories.
I thought of you as i blew out the candles on my birthday cake. Surrounded by such love and biological similarity it was your face that swam into view.
Stupid really, what good has wishing ever done me?
I wish for a thousand little things each day, like a thousand little cuts. After a while, does something give?
The deluge in which i’ll drown.
I’ve been swimming against the current for so long i no longer realise my limbs are numb.
But it washes everything away, everything except you.
No one has to die tonight.
I won’t be the easy choice, i cannot be like everyone else. At times it seems the world is hinged on my very breath, i spin the universe on my finger tips. The day begins and ends in me and all roads lead you here.
Even if half true i’m ashamed, if truth be told i am afraid.
Sometimes i just don’t know what is happening, you blur in and out of my vision like a grainy black and white movie.
But you’re one i could watch on repeat.
Sometimes i wish we didn’t have to talk, just touch me with your clothes on and hold my soul for a moment as i come back down.
I’m tired at watching your slow demise, i’m sick to see the tears stream from your face. It took all my strength not to hold you then.
How can all i ever wished for hate me in return, how can you crumble in my hands and i do nothing to catch you.
I have to die tonight.
I cannot comprehend it as it seems foreign to me. Where love should be there is emptiness in you. All your hopes for this have begun to fade.
Pretty words that make sense no longer save my face.
I wish i could reboot you like a video game, full energy and many lives for you to battle on. The game is almost over. Game over, un-pause.
The will be no control, there will be no expectations. Time and again i want to save you, i want to love you and make you smile. I wish i could, i wish i could.
But wishing is silly, it changes nothing. When i look to my left and right i see nothing tonight. It’s stupid and pointless and reserved for romantics. You taught me that, i didn’t believe you.
There is a star outside my window tonight, and i’ll wish for you. I hope i’m wrong, i wish to be mistaken.
[Fold here please]

Alchemy

I’m looking into my hands as all around me swirls.
In your hands there is blood.
Why is there so much, why is it dripping on the thing i love; this is wrong.
Why do you break, i thought you were indestructible.
Surely gods do not bleed.
They feel pain, this i know by the look in your eyes.
I’ve been doing this all wrong, searching with my eyes makes me miss what’s in front of me.
Me, me, me syndrome, the disease of my rotten mind.
Nobody has made more mistakes with you, and been so unkind.
So i boil and toil and tinker away, trying to get gold from all this decay.
Shifting science and splitting atoms. Making miracles from complicated actions.
All wrong.
All i needed i already had.
Ears and heart to listen and love.
My ego, my fucking ego ran rampant.
Smashed up my instruments and set fire to my notes.
Now i’m left with metal and the ionized tinge of blood.
Did you want gold, did even ask?
This material matter, that paradoxes’ it’s name; I’m trading it all in, selling up and shutting shop.
Paradise and blue skies is where i’m taking you, if you still want to?
Take my hand and show me the way.
 I’m afraid i’m poor, just like before.
 

(sigh)

Brown
Your skin.
Brown
Your eyes
Black
Your hair
Black
My heart
Your mouth moves, quivers and shakes.
Your brown eyes stare at me, all you see are mistakes
Black
Your eyes
Red
Your blood
Red
My blood
We are the same, halfed at some point. Fit together like a puzzle. What is the answer to the puzzle.
Black
Your eyelashes
Brown
Your tongue after coffee
No colour
Your tears as they seaped from your ever changing eyes
Touch
What i want to do
Tight
What i will do
Words
Meaningless sometimes. Most of the time, a trigger. I’ll keep quiet.
Light
Love
You cannot see what i think, i cannot show you.
Tired
You
Tried
Us………
(sigh)

An even split (pt I)

A giant drop of rain splashed onto Jacob’s watch as he checked the time. ‘’He’s late again’’, he said under his breath and let out a deep sigh. The fair was open to late, indeed much of the excitement came as the night grew darker and the crowds arrived. But it was the crowds Jacob wanted to avoid, not that he would admit it to anyone. It had been a last minute idea for them to come tonight, the weather did not promise a comfortable time to begin with, and now with Philip being late; it all added to his anxiousness. Jacob began to wander. ‘I hate being alone’ he thought to himself as he pushed through a crowd of people huddling under a stall selling warm hot chocolate. He began to think about what to say to Philip when he finally showed. Should he act normal and disappear into the ever expected but never really required detail of how he’d been waiting, what time he got here and smile pleasantly to hear the circumstances of how Philip came to be so late. Or should he go straight into the thoughts that have been scratching away at his head for the past few days. Thoughts and feelings that refuse to acknowledge the notion of sleep but instead increase their demonic performance inside his heart?      
Without realising it, Jacob had wandered further than he he’d meant to. He had drifted off the main fair walkway and had emerged round at the back of the bigger stalls. He noticed a small tent with a welcoming glow. A sign read ‘Gypsy Lee’, in bold print that even the hardening rain couldn’t disfigure. Getting closer, he noticed a small pin board with pictures and blurbs of apparent happy patrons under the heading ‘….the future is yet to be, but come see’. He glanced at the pictures attached and recognised a few minor celebrities he’d seen on television, the praise for Miss. Lee’s talents indeed seemed quite unanimous. Not only did she predict the future, but she could also contact deceased relatives and channel departed souls upon request. All for the same flat fee of £10. He chuckled as he read some more of the blurbs; he knew Philip would love this and suggest they do it together. He never would. Aside from the suspicious nature of the whole set up, and the general stereotypes attached to fairground gypsies, Jacob always thought something slightly sinister related to fortune telling. The lights by the sign suddenly flickered and a figure emerged from the tent. ‘’Please come in’’ said a hoarse, yet not unfriendly voice. Suddenly Jacob’s phone began to ring, he looked at the display; ‘Philip’…….